"But...Isn't She Worth It?"

Maybe it's just me, but as a new mom, this question really irks me. 

Can we just stop for a second and consider what asking this question really does?  Typically, this question is asked when a woman is sharing her woes of pregnancy, the birth, or her postpartum experience.  Honestly, I think people ask it because they don't know what else to say in response. Is it appropriate to just answer with, "gosh, that sucks." And then move on? I think that would be more appropriate than saying, "but isn't your baby worth it all?!"

When someone asks this question, more or less, it tells a mom to stop complaining and to suck it up, because at least she has a beautiful baby out of the whole experience. It's no wonder so many women struggle with postpartum depression!  Instead of being allowed to mourn the person they once were, new mom's are loaded with guilt from the moment they share their pregnancy woes.  Can I please just cry about the fact that I'm covered in stretch marks, without you making me feel guilty for it?  

You're right, I am eternally blessed.  My daughter is worth it ALL. And no, I can't spend my life wallowing in self pity, but PLEASE give me at least a few weeks to process the person I once was, so that I can step into this new role with full confidence.  Mom's don't need help with feeling guilty, we already do a great job of that on our own. So making a woman feel bad for mourning the changes in her body and lifestyle (because at least she has a healthy happy baby) really doesn't help anything. 

But to answer your question, yes. My daughter is worth every stretch mark, she's worth the saggy boobs and cracked nipples, she's worth the 10 months of sickness, and the crazy hormonal mood swings, she is worth the loss of social life, she is worth the loneliness of new motherhood. But that doesn't change the fact that my entire life was just turned upside down. My entire identity has changed in a matter of moments. I need time to process who I am, my physical changes, as well as the heart changes occurring.  

So, next time a mom is sharing her heart with you, please don't tell her it'll be worth it. LISTEN to what she's saying. Acknowledge what she's going through. Show her love. Remind her of who she is: precious, beautiful, loved, strong, courageous... Help her along her journey of mourning what once was, so that she can have joy in the truth.

She IS worth it. He IS worth it. A precious child was brought into the world by her sacrifice, and she is eternally blessed by this new human being. And in light of this new joy, the traumatic changes can fade to gray, and women can bloom into motherhood. 

Just a few of my thoughts ❤

- Kailey