Seeking Truth - Part 2

Writing is therapeutic for me - I think that's why my mom used to make me write in my journal every day when I was young.  At the time I hated it, but now I savor the moments I get to jot down my thoughts on paper (or through my keyboard.)  I have to admit though, my little 8 year-old self never imagined that I would be sharing my heart and ramblings with thousands of people all over the world.

I apologize for the somewhat disjointed nature of this post.  I have tried writing this about 15 different times over the course of the last week: writing, editing, scrapping the entire post, and writing again.  Though I promised details, I have chosen to leave out most of the nitty, gritty details of the betrayal by our home church.  I truly am at peace over the situation - relieved that we are no longer under the spiritual oppression.

Though I will not be sharing all of the details in this post, there are some issues that I feel must be addressed.  The details I have chosen to share are those that are necessary to defend against the attacks against Tyler's and my reputation and character.  In addition, I want it to be made clear that the actions of the leadership of Bethany were not only unethical, they are in direct conflict with what Jesus taught. I know it is inevitable that our story will hurt the witness of Christ due to the behavior of the church.  However, I want it to be known that the Lord would not condone or bless their behavior.

DISCLAIMER: If you attend Bethany and do not want to know some of the details of the firing of Tyler, I advise you to stop reading now.  Continuing on in this post will likely change your perception of the leadership you have placed yourself under.  Consider yourself warned!  Here we go.

These last two weeks have been interesting to say the least.  As Tyler and I have begun to process the betrayal by our church leadership and staff, we have experienced more emotions than we could have ever imagined.  At first, it was mostly righteous anger at the injustice, then disappointment, and hurt, and now I mostly just feel sorry for the staff and leaders of Bethany.  My heart is burdened for the leadership of Bethany, that they could possibly be so led astray as to treat someone in the flock the way that they have treated me, my family, and the other 50 or so congregants who have left the church due to their behavior.

However, in the midst of the hurt, Tyler and I have had moments of great joy and encouragement.  Over the course of the last week and a half, we have had friends and family from around the world who have showered us with prayers, supported us financially, and offered words of sweet encouragement.  We cannot thank you all enough for being the true hands and feet of Jesus.  YOU are the reason that Tyler and I have not left the Church or the faith. We believe that YOU are the Church, not the elders, not the staff, not a building, but the people.  The love that we have received is such a clear representation of Christ at work.  Though I do not believe the Lord ever intended for these wrongs to be committed against us, I truly believe that He has done what He promised and has "worked it out to the good of those who love Him who are called according to His good purposes." Thank you a million times.  We love you and are blessed by you.

I digress. 

This past week I have continued to pour over the New Testament, searching scripture for a biblical representation of how the Church is supposed to act.  My heart is breaking as I see all of the ways that the leaders and staff of Bethany failed not only us, but the entire congregation.  Where was the fruit?  Where was the biblical accountability?  Where was the Love?  Looking back, it is evident that there was a lack of fruit at Bethany.  The staff and leadership were stumped by the fact that the only part of the church growing was the young adult ministry - but now it seems clear as to why there was no other growth in the church.  The Lord does not bless a "diseased tree."  This following passage has prompted me to evaluate my heart and my actions - is there fruit in my life?  What was it that caused the leadership to be so caught up in the politics of the church that they forgot to evaluate themselves and notice the missing fruit in their lives?

 Matthew 7: 15:23 (ESV)

15 "Beware of false prophets, who come to you in sheep's clothing but inwardly are ravenous wolves. 16 You will recognize them by their fruit. Are grapes gathered from thorn bushes or figs from thistles? 17 So, every healthy tree bears good fruit, but the diseased tree bears bad fruit. 18 A healthy tree cannot bear bad fruit, nor can a diseased tree bear good fruit. 19 Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. 20 Thus you will recognize them by their fruits.

21 "Not everyone who says to me, 'Lord, Lord,' will enter the kingdom of heaven, but the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven.  22 On that day many will say to me, 'Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and cast out demons in your name, and do many mighty works in your name?' 23 And then will I declare to them, 'I never knew you; depart from me, you workers of lawlessness.'"

Growing up, when I would point out a flaw in my dad's attitude or actions, he would reply jokingly, "Do as I say, not as I do!"  Obviously, he didn't mean that, and he worked to change his actions to match his words, but it is something that has stuck with me.  Am I being a leader only in my words, or also in my actions?  It wasn't until this past week that I realized that Jesus said the exact same thing to the Jewish people in regards to the Pharisees.  The Jewish people were following the religious leaders of their day, and Jesus told them, "Listen to what they're saying, because they have taught you good things. Not everything you've learned from them was a waste!  But don't do what they do, because they're hypocrites, completely engrossed in themselves and their outward appearance. "  I don't think I have ever seen a more vivid representation of this following passage than what transpired at Bethany over the 3 years that Tyler and I served there.

It's a bit of a long passage, so I've tried to trim it down.  If you're interested, read to the end, I promise it's powerful!


Matthew 23 New International Version (NIV)

Then Jesus said to the crowds and to his disciples: 2 “The teachers of the law and the Pharisees sit in Moses’ seat. 3 So you must be careful to do everything they tell you. But do not do what they do, for they do not practice what they preach. 4 They tie up heavy, cumbersome loads and put them on other people’s shoulders, but they themselves are not willing to lift a finger to move them.

5 “Everything they do is done for people to see: They make their phylacteries wide and the tassels on their garments long; 6 they love the place of honor at banquets and the most important seats in the synagogues; 7 they love to be greeted with respect in the marketplaces and to be called ‘Rabbi’ by others.

11 The greatest among you will be your servant. 12 For those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.

13 “Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You shut the door of the kingdom of heaven in people’s faces. You yourselves do not enter, nor will you let those enter who are trying to.

15 “Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You travel over land and sea to win a single convert, and when you have succeeded, you make them twice as much a child of hell as you are.

23 “Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You give a tenth of your spices—mint, dill and cumin. But you have neglected the more important matters of the law—justice, mercy and faithfulness. You should have practiced the latter, without neglecting the former. 24 You blind guides! You strain out a gnat but swallow a camel.

25 “Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You clean the outside of the cup and dish, but inside they are full of greed and self-indulgence.26 Blind Pharisee! First clean the inside of the cup and dish, and then the outside also will be clean.

27 “Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You are like whitewashed tombs, which look beautiful on the outside but on the inside are full of the bones of the dead and everything unclean. 28 In the same way, on the outside you appear to people as righteous but on the inside you are full of hypocrisy and wickedness.


Over the course of the last couple of weeks, we have been told by several different people that the words in my previous blog post incited feelings of anxiety, as well as anger from the staff and elders of Bethany.  Quite honestly, I'm not sure how they saw it, since I've been blocked on Facebook and Instagram, not only by the minister's wives, but also by elder's wives.  In addition, we've been told by congregants that they were asked by the leadership to not read my next post, but to go to them for the truth.  I caution you to run away from any person who tells you to come to them for truth.  This is my side of the story, but there are always two sides.  I would challenge you to take the words I say and see if they line up with scripture.  I would also challenge you to go hear the side of the staff and elders of Bethany. Can they give you biblical grounds for their actions? No person should ever tell you to come to them for the truth - they should always point you to the source of Truth, Jesus Christ.

I also want it to be known that it was never my intention to hurt the church through my blog post.  The purpose of my original post was to support my husband by speaking truth.  In addition, as I mentioned in my previous post, I expected the story to be twisted in such a way as to paint Tyler and me in a poor light.  I regret to say that this is exactly what was done.  The senior minister stood before the congregation and told them that we had chosen to take our ministry another direction.

Contrary to the words of the senior pastor, Tyler and I did not choose to take our ministry elsewhere.  We were forced out.  Tyler was not given a single reason for the firing, though the elders and staff have spread rumors throughout the church and community as to why Tyler was fired (he didn't shake hands when people left, he wasn't a leader, he packed up too quickly after Sunday services, he set up a donut table in the lobby for Sunday service, he stopped paying for those same donuts, he didn't play the right music, he wasn't nice to anyone, etc. etc.) Though these are all petty issues (not to mention untrue,) I think the most critical issue is that Tyler was never confronted by elders.  I could go on and on about biblical conflict resolution, but I don't think it is necessary.  I think it's pretty self explanatory that there was no biblical or ethical handling of this situation.  (Matthew 18:15-17)

Tyler and I would NEVER have left the church high and dry.  Had it been up to us, and we had chosen to take our ministry another route, we would have trained someone to take our place.  We would have continued to support the worship ministry financially, until the church could afford to replace all of Tyler's instruments and equipment.  Unfortunately, we were not given that opportunity.

The last item I want to add clarity to is something that I must admit, makes me a little heated.  I burn with righteous anger when anyone, especially churches, use fear and intimidation to alter an outcome in their favor.  I want to make it extremely clear that idle threats and inciting fear is not of the Lord.  To the elder who thought he could scare us into silence by threatening to withhold Tyler's pay: 1) it is illegal to withhold pay that is rightfully owed to an employee, and 2) You are a church for crying out loud!  Would you truly withhold pay to a man who still has to be able to feed his family, after you have already stolen his livelihood?! I am ashamed.  I am ashamed to say that I have ever associated myself with someone who calls themselves a Christian, but then would dare act in such a manner.  YOU are the reason that people turn away from the church, the faith, and ultimately Christ.  If an elder of a church cannot show love, or even common courtesy to one of his own, how can we ever expect the world to believe us when we say that we are a representation of Christ, and that Christ is love.  Your lack of integrity and character is pathetic and disappointing.

If you have read this far you must either really care about us, or be extremely angry that I am once again speaking out against the sins committed against us.  If it is the former, I ask that you continue to pray for us.  Pray that our hearts will not cling to bitterness, but rather that we would allow the peace of the Lord to rule in our hearts and our lives.  Please also continue to pray for Bethany.  Though I truly believe that the current staff and leadership should step down, my prayer is that whatever happens, that the Kingdom will be glorified.

"And you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free."

Thank you for sharing in our story.

- Kailey